FANTASIES: WHAT TO ASK BEFORE TRYING TO REALIZE THEM

Frequently connected to an unusual venue, a specific scenario or simply to a sex position, fantasies occupy our imaginary since forever. However, some of them remain unmentionable because still considered a taboo.

WHAT IS A FANTASY?

It is simply a representation of our deepest desires, conscious or not. The images, ideas and feelings linked to the fantasy have the power to turn us on. A fantasy, however, is more connected to pleasure and desire rather than sexuality.

WHAT ARE FANTASIES FOR?

Besides affecting our psychological wellbeing, fantasies help us nourish our libido and grow our desire, even when they are impossible to fulfill. That happens because it’s the scenario we imagine that turn us on, not necessarily its realisation. Therefore having fantasies is a good sign: it means that we are in good sexual health.

WHO FANTASIZES?

Fantasies know no age! And, contrary to popular thinking, women fantasize as much as men. They occupy our mind’s most hidden corners, women are just less willing than men to talk about them. For example, a very common fantasy among women is rape, the most traumatising experience ever. It’s not surprising that it is considered a taboo and something unmentionable. However, fantasizing about something doesn’t necessarily mean wanting it to come true. Moreover, its realisation would imply consent, so the violent side of it would collapse. The rape fantasy is the perfect example of a fantasy impossible to fulfill. That’s why a lot of women consider it a very exciting scenario. According to a study carried out by american psychologists and sexologists Jenny Bivona, Joseph Critelli and Michael Clark, the origin of this particular fantasy would be a lack in self-esteem. When a man rapes a woman it’s because he finds her so attractive that he simply cannot resist to his sexual drives. That’s why this scenario boosts women’s self-confidence that much.

IS SHARING YOUR FANTASIES SOMETHING YOU NEED TO DO?

Talking about your fantasies is a sign of trust in the person you choose as interlocutor. To a friend or to your partner, confessing your fantasies means revealing the most intimate part of yourself. That’s why this person must be ready to welcome your thoughts without judgement.

IS REALISING YOUR FANTASIES SOMETHING YOU NEED TO DO?

There are differing opinions on this matter. Considering that fantasies occupy our imaginary and play an important role in turning us on, wouldn’t they lose meaning if they came true? In other words, putting a fantasy into practice means making it become a sex game. On the other hand, Amal Chabach, sexologist, explains how realising a fantasy is something extremely good for our sexual health. In her opinion, the thing that matters the most is trusting the person we decide to share it with. A satisfying sexual relationship, just like the realisation of a fantasy, depends on mutual consent. So the question you need to ask yourself is: am I ready to share my fantasy? Sharing a sensual scenario and putting it into practice can’t do anything but spice your routine up and strengthen the intimacy you share with your partner. If you want more tailored advice from our Advisors, book a Soft Party. Read this article to discover more on our Soft Parties designed to fulfill a fantasy. In the meantime, if you need inspiration, take a look to our list of dos and don’ts when realising a couple’s fantasy.